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Joke of the Day

"I was working in the yard. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a snake. I hit it with a shovel. I'm happy to report the garden hose is dead"

"Soup: for when you want to be hungry again in 20 minutes"

"Did you hear about the Chelsea team without a player? No Mata!!"

"All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors... Because heroes never dye."

"If you're stuck in the Friend-zone, here's a simple 5-step solution: 1) Stop. 2) Being. 3) Her. 4) Fcuking. 5) B!tch."

"I'll bet Vampire Kiddies enjoy scabs as much as human Kids love pudding skin"

"What did the Elk say after leaving a gay bar? I cannot believe I just blew 50 bucks back there!"

"REPUBLICANS: I can't believe Trump won. DEMOCRATS: I can't believe Hillary lost. ME: I can't believe it's not butter!"

"A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him."

"I know five people who are clinically insane... I'm two of them."