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Joke of the Day

"How is a blowjob like a lobster dinner? You have to leave the house to get a good one."

"What do you call a psychic dwarf running from the law? A small medium at large"

"How does a penguin make a decision? Flipper coin. Again, I shall take my leave."

"[job interview] ""What's your greatest weakness?"" I'm always hungry ""That's not what I-"" *takes out a cake* Also, I don't like to share"

"An Eskimo's lover leans in close and says.. ""baby, kiss me."" The Eskimo leans forward, shakes his head, and says ""no""."

"My dog failed puppy school. He was always wagging class."

"A wife comes home and says, ""Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery!"" The guy says, ""Great darling. Should I pack for the ocean or the mountains?"" She says, ""I don't care, get out!"""

"I was disappointed when it turned out the axe I bought to climb with was useless for the job... it was an anti-climb axe"

"It's wrong! If gay marriage is legal who will stop me marrying this painting of a horse. This majestic painting. Who will stop me kissing it"

"I don't like damp things For the moist part"