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Joke of the Day

"Ancient people: turned grapes into wine, agave into tequila, and sugar cane into rum. Modern people: turn soy, rice, or almonds into milk."

"Two antennae got married... The ceremony was alright, but the reception was GREAT!"

"What's Bill Corby's favorite type of Jello? Grape. The ""G"" is silent. Just like his lovers. Edit: I can't edit the title, I suck at spelling -_- (and proofing)"

"[1st day as police officer] PARTNER: THAT CAR FLEW BY DOING 126 MPH! LET'S ROLL! ME: Um, ok, but I literally JUST got this ice cream cone."

"Where do you usually find dogs? It all depends on where you lose them."

"Me: I love you! Girlfriend: Is that you, or the vodka talking? Me: It's me...talking to the vodka."

"Just want to remind all you Trump supporters to get out and vote early on Wednesday."

"Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way."

"Hide and Seek Started a game of hide and seek with my dad 20 years ago. He's the best, where you at Dad?"

"What peanut butter do total dicks eat? Schmuckers."