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Joke of the Day

"My bear's diarrhoea problems are starting to worry me. The vet says he's getting better but he's not out of the woods yet."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar bartender says...""Hey, we have a drink named after you."" Grasshopper says ""You have a drink named Jeff?"". budum pshhhh."

"Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn had a huge argument over whether to circumcise their son Lindsey went downhill from there, but Tiger made the cut."

"We used to call a girl at work 'turtle.' When she's on her back she's fucked."

"Trump: ""If you mess with the United States...."" .....there will be hell Toupeeeeee"

"I just took a huge shot It was quite a vowel movement!"

"Would you people tweet something funny so I can steal it already? I need to update my Facebook status."

"Meant to tell my daughter ""Good night, I love you,"" but it came out as ""Thank god you go back to school on Tuesday because this is bullshit"""

"I watch Looney Tunes before I go to work, because there's something about old school cartoon violence that relaxes me"

"It seems I passed my mummy embalming exam... It was a no brainer!"