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Joke of the Day

"Brad Pitt and I had a handsome contest and the loser had to adopt a bunch of kids."

"Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying ""keys"" in case I thought they were llamas."

"I asked my brother why he was taking a dictionary and thesaurus to his theater rehearsal. He said it was a play on words."

"My cousin found his dad's Viagra, took a handful of the pills, and is now in the hospital... ...with third-degree burns on both of his hands."

"What's the difference between an onion and a dead whore? I cried when I cut up the onion. (Jack the Ripper)"

"What do you call a military base that has quadrupled in size? Four-tified"

"A man goes to a zoo but the only animal there is a dog. It's a Shitzu."

"People shouldn't make rape jokes The laughter is usually forced."

"Sean Connery the plumber, available 24/7, rain or shnow. Becaushe the shitty never shleeps."

"What does Michael Jackson have in common with a second place racehorse? They both came in a little behind."