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Joke of the Day

"I wish my girlfriend.... Would go down as much as Pokemon Go servers"

"A smoker at work can ""step out for a smoke"" every 20 minutes but if I say ""I'm going to go outside and just stand there"" I'm a bad employee."

"Why aren't sumos chummy with racecar drivers? They move in different circles."

"Kinda rude of my neighbors to be burning leaves before I had a chance to blow mine into their yard."

"Told girl on flight she was pretty and she replied ""Tell me something I don't know."" So i asked if she remembered the quadratic formula."

"Why is MetLife Stadium the windiest stadium in the NFL? Because there's a Giant fan in every seat."

"So is my call important to you or will it be answered in the order it was received? IT CAN'T BE BOTH!"

"Did you hear the one about the donkey and the sloth? Ultamate frisbee badger!"

"I don't always tell Dad jokes, but when I do, he tells me to get my fucking life together and stop being a disappointment."

"A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says, ""Show me it's true what they say about black men."" So he stabs her and steals her purse."