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Joke of the Day

"Text this to someone: I just love making you check your phone for no reason, who's my bi$ch? You are."

"Drag slicks are a lot like condoms... ...you don't really mind a broken one until you realize how expensive it's going to be."

"Birdshit Why do birds fly upside down over Australia? Because it's not worth shitting on."

"Me: My blood pressure is sky high. I need to get my affairs in order. Him: Make a will? Me: I was thinking flings with hot men, but OK."

"The baby Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, ""I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..."" ""Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."""

"WHAT DO YOU CALL...... Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN SOMEONE FARTS IN A GAY BAR? A: A PICK UP LINE"

"I'd rather watch a 3D video of my conception than watch one episode of The Real Housewives."

"What do you call a black man with a pegleg SHIT ON A STICK *im going to hell*"

"Why is lumberjack the only job with some random guy's name attached? Why aren't plumbers called, like, toiletdougs? Or crapperjoels?"

"TV playback craziness [Through the eyes of Adrienne Hedger](https://www.facebook.com/HedgerHumor/photos/pb.630201143662377.-2207520000.1443863939./1179935295355623/?type=3&theater). :)"