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Joke of the Day

"My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"Alpha male An alpha male walks into a pharmacy and asks for Beta blockers."

"Why do they call it P.M.S.? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken."

"Did you hear about Divorced Barbie? It comes with all of Ken's stuff. stolen from /u/LazzzyButtons"

"Working for sanitation truly is a thankless job Not only do you have to take your boss's shit, you have to deal with everyones"

"What do Brooklyn and pantyhose have in common? Flatbush."

"Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn? He couldn't trust his hose."

"I'm an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me."

"I design castles. AMA! For this AMA, I'd like to focus on rampart."

"Me: You can't honestly expect me to believe this house isn't haunted; I can see the ghost walls from here. Realtor: Those are windows."