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Joke of the Day

"Opinions are like assholes... if you get paid to share your opinion with the masses, you probably have a pretty big opinion."

"""If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly how did it fall off?"" Interviewer: I meant about the job. Me: Oh.... no I'm good."

"Him: Damn, girl, are you a math textbook? Her: No, why? Him: 'Cause you have a lot of fuckin' problems."

"He who understands women, dies under mysterious circumstances..."

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection... Judge says, First offender?' She says, No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'"

"I saw in the newspaper that my town was searching for a pedophile. I called in thinking I could help but it turns out that it wasn't actually a job opening."

"<---- homeless romantic"

"Take a look at trending topics and you'll realize why they have to write ""do not eat"" on dry silica packets."

"I'll bet Vampire Kiddies enjoy scabs as much as human Kids love pudding skin"

"Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing"