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Joke of the Day

"I love that the news bleeps swears. ""Sorry you heard a bad word during our footage of a firefight that ended with a guy being burned alive."""

"What do you call a nice Canadian meal on a colorful roof? Poutina."

"Ladies, call me Adobe Updater, because I nag you at least once a week and never seem to work"

"How does a spider know if he just had sex with an actual female? She eats him alive afterward."

"This subreddit used to be funny until chickens started screwing light bulbs."

"What did Data find in Picard's gym sock? The Next Generation"

"Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: A whole bunch: I can only keep them in the room long enough for them to give the bulb a quarter turn apiece."

"A man goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor looks him over and says ""You have got to stop masturbating"" ""Why?"" ""Because I'm trying to give you a physical"""

"They say men are 3 times as likely to be struck by lightning than women Because lighting is 1/3 as likely to strike in the kitchen"

"How do you beat George Foreman in a fight? Punch him in the grill"