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Joke of the Day

"Why did the cactus cross the road? It got stuck to the chicken."

"Attractive person: Hi. Me: Is this some kind of sick joke?"

"The navigator of the Titanic dashed to the Captain's deck. Navigator: ""Sir, if we keep heading that way we will hit the iceberg! We have to change course now!!"" Captain: ""but it's unsinkable."""

"Beer makes you smart. It made Bud wiser."

"Jacob Sartorious must have been born on a highway Because that's where most accidents happen."

"Why's it called getting an abortion... Instead of razing your child?"

"Why is outer space so clean? It's a vacuum!"

"[at wife's funeral] Son: At least shes in heaven now Me: [delicately places hand on his shoulder] You don't know shit about your mom"

"Before we begin, does everyone know how to leave the cursor in the middle of every video? Good. - 1st day of teaching school"

"How do you know a girl with leprosy likes you? She gives you the eye."