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Joke of the Day

"Why is the gay rights movement succeeding? The message is loud and queer."

"Why doesn't anyone ever add Paul Walker on Xbox? He spends all of his time on the dashboard."

"All my life, I never thought I'd wake up at 6am to go jogging...and I was right."

"What's yellow and covers assholes? The Lakers uniform."

"""Surely I say unto you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."" I wonder why rich men didn't just chop up the camel first..."

"Why didn't the Smurfs fit in the house? There wasn't [mushroom](http://i.imgur.com/Yt9AWCO.jpg)"

"My mom when I was a kid: ""Never talk to strangers."" ""Never get in their cars."" Me to my future kids: ""Here's how to order an Uber."""

"At what point does CPR become necrophilia? When you're both stiff"

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put him in the microwave til his Bill Withers."

"""GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE"" KID: *goes kicking and screaming* TEEN: You can't do this, I have plans tonight ADULT: Thank you so much"