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Joke of the Day

"Me: How are you feeling Grandpa? Grandpa: Oh you know with my hands mostly."

"So did you hear about the Angry composer? Apparently, he had a few scores to settle."

"I took a picture of the fog with my new iPhone 7.... iMist"

"How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes."

"I can't make it tonight. There's a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes."

"Did you hear about the woman who died in an Italian restaurant? She pasta way."

"ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money"

"Why do Anarchists only drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft."

"I love Alfredo sauce. Unless you're a dude named Alfredo."

"What does the bumper sticker say on Caitlyn Jenner's car? My Other Penis is a Vagina"