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Joke of the Day

"magician: ""think of a letter, any letter"" me: ""ok"" magician: ""now double it"" me: [visibly confused]"

"Interviewer: Give me an example of something you took with you from your last job Me: Toilet paper"

"Since twitter, I don't go from home to car to work to car to home I go from charger to charger to charger to charger to charger"

"Sometimes I wish I was a cat just so I can constantly ignore everything said to me while licking the inside of my thigh."

"What do you call a Jamaican who wears glasses? Rastafoureyes"

"Did you hear about the time Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for Christmas? He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

"Boss: Have I made myself clear? Me: No, I can still see you. Boss: Shakes head."

"What do you say to a man with a broken lizard? Sorry about your reptile dysfunction."

"Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear... You're better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away!"

"My friend told me he walked into his house and saw that the sheets of paper in his office were having an orgy. I asked him, ""How does paper cum?"" ""Why,"" he replied, ""in stacks, of course."""