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Joke of the Day

"I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. Not a great gift I know, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it"

"Oscar Pistorius misunderstood his girlfriend... when she said: ""for Valentines day, can you take me out?"""

"So, a snake walks into a bar.... And the bartender asks in surprise ""how'd you do that?!"""

"What did Putin say after listening to the West whine about the invasion of Ukraine Crimea river baby"

"Things I've learned on Twitter: 1. A Twitter Crush is not a soft drink 2. Naps rule 3. Pants are optional 4. Everybody hates Nickelback"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang a picture! Happy Easter!"

"You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls."

"They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart."

"Why is this election historic? It's the first time we're guaranteed there'll be a cunt in the oval office."

"What do you get when you roll weed on a dictionary? ...High Definition"