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Joke of the Day

"Two men walk into a bar The third one ducks"

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"Why did the pirate captain suddenly die? He had an an*yarr*ysm."
"What do you call an animal that goes through your trash and tells great stories? A raccoonteur."
"My favorite brand of cider is Dicken's. My wife also loves Dicken's cider. ( )"
"Man insisted on pumping my gas. Didn't turn into an euphemism until he squirted all over the side of my car & asked if that's how I like it."
"When it comes to the topic of body dysmorphia and gender assumptions, i'm not a fan. Infact I identify more closely to an air conditioning unit."
"This hating of people that breastfeed in public really has to stop. I can raise my cat any way I want."
"What's dumber than a box of rocks The hippie that carries them around the country."
"A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him."
"What do you call a fat Irish family? The o'Beses."