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Joke of the Day

"[calls up friend] Remember when you said I wouldn't ever make it on TV? Well turn on the news! ""Okay, but why are you calling from jail?"""

"I got in trouble in gym class, so the coach made me sit in the back, in near all the equipment. There's nothing I can do. He's really got me by the balls."

"Why did the bacteria cross the microscope? To get to the other slide! Courtesy of one of my Biology students"

"I'm not fucking stupid. I mean, I was, but we broke up."

"What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? The pricks are on the outside of the porcupine."

"Why are white prisoners so scary? Because you know they did it."

"Sex! Of course you don't get it."

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he neverlands."

"How do you discipline your pet rock? You hit rock bottom!"

"What do you call a Russian with three testicles? Hudyanika Bolokov"