184376

Joke of the Day

"Bartender: What will you have? Me: Whiskey BT: Straight? Me: Except for that one time in college. BT: Me: BT: Me: How 'bout them Red Sox?"

"Q: Did you hear about the man who was Polishing the flagpole? A: He varnished into thin air!"

"Jared Fogle asked me a question. ""On a scale of 1-10, what's your age?"""

"Saw a bumper sticker with a gun and ""I don't call 911!"" Jesus. I hope his wife doesn't fall down the stairs. ""Sorry darlin'."" -*BLAM BLAM*"

"Whats the most important aspect of gun safety to practice around a feminist? Trigger discipline"

"When I become a ghost, Im going to leave messages in blood, but theyre gonna be overwhelmingly positive, like ""You're Doing A Great Job"""

"If you can't win an argument, correct their grammar."

"Every time I read news about ISS Im like what did ISIS do this time... half way through the article... how the hell did they get to space. Oh wait damn you dyslexia!! edit: joke"

"What's the difference between wild Iranian Ossetra caviar and my penis? One is a delicacy (Deh-Lih-Cuh-See) and the other is a delicady (Deh-Lih-Cuh-Dee) Edit: The D"

"Trump has no mistresses... He has alternative fucks."