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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend once used Vaseline when she gave me a handjob . . I came four or five times trying to wash it off."

"shoot for the moon, even if u miss u'll forever be the one peopel point at and whispre ""thats the idiot who shot literal bulets at the moon"""

"What does an onion and a prostitute have in common? They give you really bad breath when you eat them."

"A tall guy in movie theater just sat in front of me and he's on a date so he's going to have good posture the whole time this sucks"

"Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know."

"I was masturbating, looked up and saw my mom standing there. I was really freaked out. Because she died 6 years ago."

"My mom laughed at me when I told her I was making a car out of spaghetti... you should have seen her face when I drove pasta!"

"Is your refrigerator running? Good, then I'm voting for IT for president!"

"What is an inconvenient truth with music? Algorithm."

"What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don't care if she has one."