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Joke of the Day

"So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here."

"What do you call an anorexic blonde with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese !"

"Kim Jong-un read War and Peace in a day. At least I think that's why they call him Supreme Reader."

"How I want to die... I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"[mall food court] Me: *stomach rumbling* OMG not now Brain: Too bad you hate using public washrooms My White Undies: Sweet baby jesus no"

"Out of 10 puns chosen at random, how many actually made people laugh? No pun in ten did."

"How cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black."

"A motorist ran into a shop. ""Do you own a black and white cat?"" he asked. ""No"" replied the manager. ""Oh dear"" said the motorist ""I must have run over a nun."""

"A man rings your internet doorbell.. Says: ""Can you spare 5 minutes to talk about Bernie Sanders?"""

"""IT'S A BOY!"" I shouted. ""A BOY! I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY!"" And with tears streaming down my face, I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel..."