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Joke of the Day

"I was at the track yesterday. I backed a horse at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four."

"Just tasteless A man gets the words ""I LOVE YOU"" tattooed on his crank. His wife tells him ""Quit putting words in my mouth!"""

"ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet"

"Did you guys here about the kidnapping earlier today?! He woke up at about 1 o'clock."

"What do you call a Jamaican Proctologist? Pokemon"

"Two muffins are baking in an oven ... And one muffin turns to the other one and says, ""Wow, it's pretty darn hot in here."" The other muffin says, ""Holy shit! A talking muffin!"""

"What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!"

"If I were to ask you to dance naked for me, would your answer be the same as to this question?"

"A landscaper's favourite musical genre? Mow-town."

"What's do pot and pusssy have in common? You can tell the quality if you can smell it across the room."