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Joke of the Day

"What happened to the Mexican after he took heroin for the third time? He over*dos*'d ^^^^I'll ^^^^see ^^^^myself ^^^^out"

"[24hr news channel] news just in.. *director repeats himself into headset* news justin *justin just sits there* READ THE NEWS JUSTIN"

"my mom should have been on one of the planes that crashed on 911 ... I think -Anthony Jeselnik"

"Women know that men are like linoleum . . . If they lay 'em right the first time, they can walk on them for years."

"""I am out of the office. If you need immediate help please contact customer service."" ""Dude this isn't email I'm standing in front of you."""

"A cop asked me if I was high last night. I was on my balcony at my apartment and told him, ""For being three floors up higher than you, I'd say I am!"""

"Glockenspiel Germanic efficiency brought to the game of Russian roulette."

"Shockingly True What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair."

"""Have a nice day at the plant!"" -wife caterpillar to husband caterpillar in the morning"

"A friend of mine told me she met a really cute boy in a bar who was solving equations on a napkin. I told her to look for his unknown."