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Joke of the Day

"(Mild GoT spoilers) Why is Hodor's real name Wylis? Because everyone wonders what he's talkin' bout."

"Doctor, Doctor, I'm addicted to twitter... Sorry, I don't follow you."

"Tip: if you don't want comedians weighing in on politics.... ...don't elect a joke. (Credit to Bo Burnham)"

"My friend asked me why I act so insecure when he would talk to my girlfriend. I don't remember what my answer was, but their son Malcolm turns two next month."

"The best things in life are free. Stealing is awesome."

"I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. Where the HECK is my roof?!"

"What's the worst thing a girl can hear when she's giving Willie Nelson a blowjob? ""I'm not Willie Nelson..."""

"When I die I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time."

"Why did the Mexican tie his wife to the train tracks? To-kill-er"

"yo mamma so fat she make a whale look bulimic"