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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquitos stops sucking after you fucking slap it"

"""Where's Waldo?"" books become more thrilling if you think ""Okay... Waldo's my brother and he's off his meds and will die if I don't find him."""

"When I get depressed about an underperforming tweet, I think about starving kids in Africa & how lucky they are to never experience my pain."

"Drops empty vodka bottles in all the neighbor's recycling bins. So the garbage men don't think it's just me."

"What does American Beer and making love on the beach have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"How many population geneticists does it take to change a light bulb? It's independent of population size."

"So the waiter said ""The plate is hot"" and I said ""I'll be the judge of that, haha."" Anyhoo, I met a lot of nice people at the burn center."

"Mike Tyson asks you: How do you think the unthinkable? With an Itheberg"

"There is no snooze button on a dog that wants to go out for a piss."

"What's the difference between an 8 year old and a big bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall off a balcony"