183184

Joke of the Day

"I got voted ""Least Likely To Succeed"" by my high school class... Fuck, I hate being a teacher."

"What does Godzilla do part time when he's not destroying cities? He flips houses"

"Did Timmy enjoy his first fried eggs? No, because he sat naked on a steel poll in 113 degrees"

"Two men walk into a bar... They're blind, it happens."

"Hollywood led me to believe I would have to do way more heat/AC duct crawling than I've had to do."

"I usually roll around in the magazine aisle at Barnes and Noble before a date because I want to smell nice, but I'm on a budget."

"My coworker told me he didn't want to buy girl scout cookies because he didn't want to get diabetes. I told him not to worry. Diabetes isn't a sexually transmitted disease."

"911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK"

"Whats the best thing about being a siamese twin? Someone to kiss while you're wanking"

"[Interview] ""Tell me your weaknesses"" Me: Well, I.. *wife busts in* He's a mouth breather, leaves the toilet seat up, forgets to take out th"