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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Methodist and a Baptist? A Methodist will say ""hi"" to you at the liquor store"

"How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be open when she brings it to you."

"Michelle takes Sasha and Malia on a trip to Paris for the week. Wanks Obama."

"RACIST: im a racist! ME: uh oh RACIST: yea I race cars! ME: oh. I dont think u know what racist means RACIST: & I hate Jews! ME: there it is"

"What's the best thing about having sexy with twenty one year olds? There's twenty of 'em. edit: autocorrect is a bitch - we all know what it should say."

"Quit crying, kid. I won this Easter egg hunt fair and square..."

"Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn't mean I'm getting old, right? Means I'm turning into a werewolf! Right?"

"What s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms."

"A black man walked into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar man asks, ""Whoa, cool. Where did you get him?"" The parrot says, ""Africa! There are loads of them running around!"""

"In the meantime I plan on absolutely crushing it over on LinkedIn."