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Joke of the Day

"Going to start a band called The Subtweets. All songs will contain cryptic lyrics that incite paranoia in the crowd."

"What is E.T. short for? He's only got little legs."

"How to be rich for the rest of your life... Legally change your name to ""Rich"""

"By and large, most of my girlfriends have been fat lesbians."

"Why did the chicken marry the crocodile? Because Croc-a-doodle-doo is a good family name."

"""Grandma why don't you drink tea anymore?"" ""I don't like it ever since that tea bag got stuck in my throat."""

"So I went to a stable for a self confidence boost I found myself surrounded by a bunch of neigh-sayers."

"Niagara Falls A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said; I'll bet you don't have anything like this in Texas. The Texan said; nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it."

"What are the Rolling Stones better at than the Bee gees? Stayin' Alive"

"Two blondes are standing in opposite sides of the river. One yells: - HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SHORE?! The other answers: - YOU ARE IN THE OTHER SHORE!"