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Joke of the Day

"Good for you when one door closes & another door opens. For the rest of us that usually means we're in jail."

"How you doin' Jerusalem! ""WINE"" Here's a new tric- ""MAKE WINE"" Please, I've been working very hard on my routi- *dodges stone jars of water*"

"I texted my girlfriend ""goodnight, love you"" but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now Its awkward, cause he holds my hand during meetings."

"Does anyone know where Engagement, Ohio is? About halfway between Dayton and Marion"

"Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts."

"I'm 35 and I was out to eat with my 18 year old girlfriend. Everyone was giving us dirty looks. Eventually I got up and yelled at everyone ""you are all ruining out 10th anniversary."""

"How do you call a whores pubic hair? Public hair Ill show myself out.."

"I was dating a strong, independent, black doorknob recently. She was quite difficult to handle"

"Some say Blair Walsh tried to commit suicide... ...but it went wide left. Being a Vikings fan is painful"

"Married sex is a lot like Prison sex... The sex you're wanting, you're not getting. And the sex you're getting, you're not wanting."