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Joke of the Day

"I don't care how hardcore you are. If you don't cry when Dumbo visits his mommy in elephant jail, you have no soul."

"I like my coffee how I like my women. STD free."

"I thought I'd found the perfect website to help me overcome my fear of flying until it crashed."

"I used to love The Village People until they came at me with torches. -Gay Frankenstein"

"Someone should invent bass gloves. So people stop dropping it."

"When Bruce Banner gets constipated do you think he turns into the Hulk? - just one of the thoughts I have during important business meetings"

"What's a mathematician's favorite kind of music? Logarithms"

"I'm taking a 10-hour drive tomorrow and I'm worried about where I'll be pooping. What? No. I don't want to supersize. Aren't you listening?"

"Why would Gabe Newell be a better world leader than Hitler? There'd be no World War 3."

"I just got married today It's unreal. I can still remember the the exact moment when every woman in the world became instantly more attractive."