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Joke of the Day

"I'll take a girl with a sharp wit. Wits never sag."

"Whats the difference between a prostitute and a dead baby? I only have one under my bed"

"Which bird ran for President? H. Ross Parrot"

"Standing behind a lady at Home Depot. Heard her ask for suggestions for tools to buy her grandson who was studying to be a quantum mechanic."

"i want a google chrome plugin that's a todolist manager and the way you launch it is, you visit twitter, but it shows your todos instead"

"A squirrel and an elephant are in the bathroom. The elephant in the tub says to the squirrel, we have no soap. The squirrel says... ""OH YEAH? NO SOAP RADIO!"""

"My grandpa says, ""Comedians are too dark and don't tell set-up punchline jokes anymore."" So, a suicidal teen walks into a car."

"Because of the efforts of my great grandfather, we don't speak German in this country. That's because he single-handedly killed 11 language teachers."

"I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses."

"Beginning to worry that, on my deathbed, I'm going to be just lying there, refreshing twitter."