182844

Joke of the Day

"optimists: the glass is half full. pessimists: the glass is half empty feminists: the glass is being raped"

"yo mama so old Her first Christmas was the first Christmas"

"Did you know that if you drive past the first drive thru window your food is free?"

"Sometimes it's fun to randomly shout, ""Hey, asshole!"" in a crowd, just to see who turns around."

"My 11 yo noticed my receding hairline and thought it was hilarious. Until I explained how heredity works."

"I have two kids, five and seven Silly names I know."

"What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a BMW? I don't have a BMW in my garage. ....and if I did, I *probably* wouldn't masturbate in it."

"Smoke detectors, feel free to use that last bit of battery life to continue monitoring fires instead of getting all beepy."

"Finally, I win 1st place in something! A guy recently rated me as a solid 1 in the attractiveness scale. I've never won anything in my life!"

"What book do you look in to find the best insults? A Dicktionary."