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Joke of the Day

"When I see someone has 1,500 followers on twitter, I think ""that person must b funny"". 1,500 friends on FB ""that person is batshit crazy"""

"What does Ronda Rousey's opponents and myself have in common? We both barely last 14 seconds and leave our partners underwhelmed."

"Ever since my son got his first girlfriend, I've been changing the bed sheets much more often. Whenever I imagine him knocking her up, I shit myself."

"When does a boy scout become a man? When he eats his first brownie!"

"Hostage or not, sometimes it's just nice to be held."

"A man goes to the doctor with a terrible rash on his nuts The doctor says, ""well you'll have to stop masturbating"". Man says ""why?"" Doctor says, ""because it's making it really hard to examine you"""

"Monica Lewinsky will be voting for Trump As the last Clinton in office left a bad taste in her mouth..."

"I think this Deadpool movie is going to really bring down the house. Having only three walls isn't good for their structural integrity."

"What did the sick waiter say when his manager asked him if he could come into work? I can't wait."

"Why do smart people wear glasses? Because as resolution goes down performance goes up. This is a little bad but...."