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Joke of the Day

"Spoiler alert! The milk's got 1 day left"

"What do you call Japanese people that fly planes? Pirates."

"Is the volcano mean or nice? He was mean because he interrupts. (Courtesy of a family member - Benjamin)"

"What does Iron Butterfly put in their margaritas? It's agave tequila, honey."

"I got arrested for breaking into the Chinese restaurant. Don't worry, my attorney said that I'll probably wok."

"Mama Pig has a great new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It's called a garbage compactor."

"Why does the ocean have water? Because the sky is *blue*"

"[rose from the movie titanic a couple years later sitting on crowded bus] excuse me, can you slide over so I ca- ""NO, there's no room"""

"[first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?"

"Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer"