182295

Joke of the Day

"I'm human, but I never got to go to space. Dogs and monkeys *aren't human, but they did. That's the gist of my lawsuit against NASA."

"""WE AREN'T SO DIFFERENT, YOU AND I."" -- bad guys reaching for a weapon at the end of the movie"

"I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things I think people need to know, NASA."

"I'm the guy in charge of making the room smell nasty in the Glade commercials."

"What is it called when Benedict Cumberbatch is constipated? No shit Sherlock."

"Contents of my wallet just spilled all over the cashier's counter, so embarrassing, spiders everywhere."

"What do you get when you throw a Pokeball at a Pakistani? A Pakimon."

"Why can't you run through a campground? You need to RAN through a campground because it's past tents."

"No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute."

"A guy goes to get a physical... The doctor says ""Sir, you have to stop masturbating."" ""Why?"" ""Because I'm trying to give you a physical."""