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Joke of the Day

"All I said is that I didn't know whether we were a Marvel or DC family and my husband and kids locked me out of the house."

"What do chemists make guacamole out of? Avogadros"

"Why do women get periods? Because they deserve it"

"[spelling bee] Your word is ""spider"" Can you use it in a sentence? ""A spider has eight eyes."" [kid smiles] Spider. S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R"

"Our Great Dane has been causing quite a smell around my house. Whenever he barks I shit myself."

"Wearin' aviators tells the world you're a bad mamma jamma who ain't afraid to shin kick a terrorist or smoke a lawn flamingo if need be."

"Cute valentine joke - What's the difference between woman's face and ass? - None. You can fuck both."

"Why did the Crimean run across the Street? Because he was Russian"

"Where does Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies."

"What do you call customers at Lidl? Lidl people."