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Joke of the Day

"I want a woman who can cook, clean, do the laundry, pay the bills & still set aside the time to have sex with me while her husbands at work"

"Miley Cyrus down at the post office lickin all the stamps. Mail lady says they're not even that kind of stamp anymore but Miley doesn't stop"

"Whats the best part of living in Switzerland? Im not too sure either but the flags a big plus."

"How do you make a 4D printer? Just take a 3D printer and give it some time."

"What is a gathering of octopus called? Octoposse"

"I was trying to help my blonde neighbour park her trailered boat in her driveway. Go ahead, back up, I kept saying...it took over 2 hours."

"If you have time-stamped VHS footage of yourself blowing out birthday candles, you'll eventually be abducted."

"I bought a girl a drink at the bar. It hurt to see her give it to her boyfriend. But it was hilarious to see him drink the roofie."

"How much for the horse tornado? Sir, that's a carousel. I must have it."

"My new juice cleanse is called Vodka with a side of Tonic"