182090

Joke of the Day

"What did the student say to his math teacher after his dog ate part of his homework? I got 99 problems, but a bitch ate one."

"""Sorry, I forgot to pay attention. But yeah, I have no idea where we are now. There definitely shouldn't be cows."" ~me giving directions"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Just kidding I'm not going to be that guy"

"What's Brown and Sticky A stick"

"What do near-sighted gynecologists and little puppies have in common? A wet nose"

"[Dr.] ""Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you'll die"" *slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth* ""Don't do it"" *eats cheese* *dies*"

"Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag."

"Coworker *parks Prius Coworker 2 *locks bike up Me *bounces by on jumping exercise ball made of recycled tires* POSERS!"

"My DNA results came back and apparently I'm .0002% aardvark. Which pretty much answers all the questions I've ever had. About anything."

"So I had an unplanned talk with my 13 years old son about masturbation yesterday... I told him it was a perfectly natural thing to do and that he should knock before he enters my room."