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Joke of the Day

"Mayonnaise is cum. When you put it on a sandwich, you're spreading cum on your bread. When you ask for it on a burger, you ordered cum."

"Cats probably wouldn't need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn't smoke cigarettes."

"Your call is important to us, we'll interrupt calming music every 30secs for the next 20mins to remind you that your call is important to us"

"i was going to tell a gay joke... buttfuckit"

"What kind of thief steals meat? A hamburglar."

"I told a psychiatric ward patient to stand in the middle of two black poles ... and he did it ! The absolute madman!"

"Me: Did you know avocado improves Brain function?' Kristen: 'Mom you eat it all the time and I haven't seen ANY improvement.'"

"*takes a home pregnancy test* *finds out home is pregnant* *calls a carpenter to find out if it's gonna be a shed or a gazebo*"

"What's the only Pokemon that doesn't evolve? Any black Pokemon, really."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Chocs ! Chocs who ? Chocs away !"