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Joke of the Day

"""They say you should dress for the job you want..."" ""Then why the fuck are you naked?!?"" ""Because I want a blow job"""

"wife: how is it outside? me: windy. almost blew one kids hat off and some guy's trying to figure out how to get his smart car out of a tree"

"HER: it's over between us ME: is it because of all my embroidery puns? HER: I thought you would stop ME: sew it seamed"

"If the secret ingredient in Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte was the tears of underprivileged children, white people would still drink it."

"My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night... So I said I had a headache."

"She was going to tell a joke Guy: I was going to tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long. Girl: I was going to tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

"Can you spell soft and slow with two letters? EZ."

"Does your train of thought have a caboose?"

"A kiss so passionate you have first degree burns from the melted cheese on the pizza."

"Why is gravity so weak? Because it doesn't lift"