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Joke of the Day

"What's it called if you re-evaluate your butt? In hiney-sight."

"Remember: Life isn't about having amazing experiences, it's about making mediocre experiences look awesome on Facebook."

"How do you cure a nymphomaniac? Marry her."

"My anaconda don't want none unless you got a suitable living environment for him, a terrarium with a heat lamp, some small rodents, etc."

"A friend and I just decided that in 10 years if we aren't married we will tell each other what's honestly wrong about ourselves."

"Went to a zoo the other day. The only exhibit was a dog. it was a shitzu"

"""Pff, I liked bread before it was sliced."" - Hipster baker."

"Why was Obama nervous when eating a T-bone aboard Air Force One? Because the steaks had never been higher."

"A Jewish kid asks his dad for 50 bucks. His dad says, ""40 dollars? What do you want 30 dollars for?"""

"It's a good thing this video game is rated mature because it's going to be babysitting the kids tonight."