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Joke of the Day

"I saw a lady texting and driving today... I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her."

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"[me as a poltergeist] *putting forks in the spoon section of the cutlery drawer* ooooOooOooooo"
"Counting Crows #GoodBandNameBadFirstDate"
"When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, ""So, what did she say?"" I'm funny that way."
"Who took in most refugess? The Mediterranian Sea."
"Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you......Fourty seven times."
"What do STDs and jokes have in common? They're both easily spread."
"A man walks into a Doctor's office screaming, ""I'm a wigwam, I'm a TeePee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a TeePee!"" The Doctor Says, ""You're too Tense"""
"How did Helen Keller learn to masturbate? She was reading her lips."
"Emotions are like shit Sometimes you've gotta let it out"