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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cross between a human and a monkey? A nigger."

"Why don't whales eat sushi very often? Of course whales like sushi. It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth."

"16yo [talking w friend]: fam that's lit af, tell bae and the squad that it's on fleek PARENT: *calls 911* i think my kid's having a seizure"

"Who is a bodybuilder's favourite painter? [Gainsborough](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Gainsborough) ^Pronounced ^""Gainz, ^brah"""

"What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common? Hogwarts."

"I the shell off a snail yesterday... you'd think it would move faster, but it was really kinda sluggish."

"Graphene can do everything... Except leave the lab. :)"

"My boss: Why are you sleeping at your desk?! Me: Because my bed is at home."

"That awkward laugh when they've said something innocuous, but you're thinking something incredibly dirty."

"I had some Taco Bell the other night. Shit was spewing out of my ass at 88mph. Now everyone at school calls me Doc Brown."