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Joke of the Day

"*Showing me a picture of your baby* Me: Is that a dog toy in the background? What kind of dog do you have? What's your dog's name?"

"What's a pigs favorite muscle? The hamstring."

"Whats The difference between Stealing Cookies from a Jar and Child Molesting? Ive only ever been caught stealing cookies."

"Who sews really really fast? Tailor Swift"

"Have you heard of the new band The Transmission Lines? I hear they have so much potential."

"I hope this magician is good [curtain rises to reveal a man with no goatee] get your coats, children. that man is a fraud."

"If you're a germaphobe and you know it... wash your hands!"

"I don't know, Jay-Z. If I was worth half a billion dollars, I'd have like 3 problems. Max."

"What do you call a drunk blue hedgehog? Gin and sonic."

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like a choir boy"