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Joke of the Day

"I told myself that I wouldn't drink today, but nobody ever listens to me."

"What do you call an Atheist at a Christian fancy dress party? A cross-dresser."

"There are some days when I just really do not want to wake up early and go to work. I call these days Monday Friday."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? ""See you next month!"""

"I'm disappointed to see that a lot of women are using ""period tracker apps"" now, instead of the shared Google spreadsheet I set up."

"I liked you better before we met."

"What did papa butter say to troublesome son butter? You had *butter* behave now, alright son? I sure know you don't want to get *whipped*!"

"My kids are teenagers, and I've found the same thing fixes their bad moods as when they were toddlers: a snack and a nap."

"There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't."

"How did the barber win the race? He knew a **short cut!** ^I'm ^sorry"