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Joke of the Day

"presidents day is just a holiday created by ""Big President"" to get us to buy more presidents"

"I hate it when I go to hide out from my kids in the walk-in closet & my husband is already in there hiding out from me."

"They really should have predicted the fall of Communism sooner. After all, there were plenty of red flags."

"What do you call the urge to crack open a cold one? Necrophilia."

"The Fountain of Youth has been discovered but it's in Flint, MI, so I wouldn't drink from it."

"Stupid millennials. Always on their phones. Always doing chatsnaps. Always being born into a world where ownership determines everything."

"What is the definition of ""indefinitely""? When your balls slap your girlfriend's ass, you know you're in definitely."

"America leads the world in religious people who use 'bless your heart' as an insult."

"I ate an entire pack of rohypnol last night and it didn't even affect me... Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping."

"Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want"