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Joke of the Day
"Today I went down on my girlfriend Period."
Next Joke
"[catches your phone before it hits the ground] Whew, that was close! [smashes your phone against the wall] See, that could have happened."
"Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them too."
"[grocery store] Ok, milk... Check! Eggs... Check! Tomatoes... Check! ""Sir, can you wait for the total and just write one check please?"""
"What's the worst part about running a gay pirate ship? There's always seamen on your poopdeck!"
"What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat? Skip."
"Had to stop watching Game of Thrones with my parents tonight, because of all the sex. So I've recorded it to watch after they've finished."
"Do you think the Tauntaun from The Empire Strikes Back got cold after Han sliced it open? Or do you think it kept lukewarm?"
"Hey, not too bad I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I love you too Ok, bye -phone convos with mom"
"Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how'd you know I teach fat kids?!"