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Joke of the Day

"Hype for the Major release of Star Wars vii. I hope it hasn't diminished in quality."

"Imagine if, in some fit of drug-induced rage back in the 60s, Keith Richards had killed David Crosby & Gram Parsons? Talk about killing two byrds with one stone."

"What's the most efficient fuel to use when chasing cars? Snow Petrol!"

"""Because Fuck you, that's why!"" is a perfectly legitimate response to any question."

"I have a huge gash in my forehead. I'm going to assume I got up in the middle of the night, fought some crime, and went back to bed."

"What did the painting on the wall say to the cop? I've been framed!"

"""I love you. I love you. Pay attention to me. I love you. Ok I'm fed now. I HATE YOU DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"" - Cats"

"A joke I made up inspired by Mitch Hedberg. ""Last week I had to put down my dog. It was sad."" ""I said, you are one dumb dog."""

"What do Taylor Swift and Charlie Sheen have in common? Bad blood."

"In Soviet Russia... You are in charge of Charles. (h/t Wife)"