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Joke of the Day

"What do Jimmy Saville's victims and Aston Villa fans have in common? They're still talking about what happened in 1982."

"Life is like a cup of coffee... No matter how much sugar you put in it, there's always grounds at the end."

"What's the difference between Kung-Fu and Judo? One is the ancient art of self defense. The other is what you make bagels out of."

"What's the shortest book in the world? Deutscher Humor!"

"Life called: They're all out of lemons. It's over."

"Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team ? He took too long to put his boots on !"

"What do you get when a camel pukes in the desert? A hot mess."

"How does Bilbo take his tea? Bag-in"

"Tonight's special: Hummus-fed pigeon leg, rolled in coffee grinds, served on a bed of fresh lawn clippings $105 - Fancy restaurants"

"Have you heard the joke about Murphy's Law? It goes like... no wait... ah, damn it."