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Joke of the Day

"Did you mean ASK or axe? Cause seriously, one is a murder weapon."

"Q: what did one ass cheek say to the other? A: together we can stop this shit"

"Why did the tortoise get arrested? Because he got there before the hare."

"I'm done drinking for good... Now I drink for Evil."

"How do you know if a Chinaman robbed your house? Your homework is done and your computer is upgraded, but two hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway."

"There would be a lot less litter in the world if we just sharpened the walking sticks for the blind."

"Nuclear programs are always for peaceful purposes. Drop a nuke on an enemy and suddenly they're peaceful"

"A buddhist walks up to a hotdog vender... ...says make me one with everything."

"You don't really know what's pain in the ass until.. ...you've had a hemorrhoid."

"Anyone know where I can buy some camo pants? Can't find them anywhere."