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Joke of the Day
"What do you say when a singer/songwriter poops on your car? CELINE WUT R U DION"
Next Joke
"""Pick a card....any card."" -impatient Hallmark employee"
"I went on a date last night with a tiny lobster. It didnt go well. She was a little shellfish."
"If I was a transformer, I would turn into Megan Fox's vibrator"
"According to a study I read... Men think about the adjectival form of pus every 6 seconds."
"My mom said follow your dreams, So I went back to bed."
"If I was a fashion designer Id call myself ""who"" so when celebs are asked who are they wearing they can say ""Who?"" ""Yes who?"" ""Yes."""
"[drops a pinch of fish food into fish tank] ME: here ya go little buddies FISH: oh wow pukey shit flakes again, thanks man"
"What do men and tile floors have in common? ...if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years."
"[driving] Goddamn pedestrians [walking] Goddamn drivers [both] Goddamn cyclists"